So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
