Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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