How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
