I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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