just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
