Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
