He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
