If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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