it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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