I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
