the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
you had me at cake vodka
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
