Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
