Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder