$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
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