Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
