You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
