she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
