so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
