my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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