Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
