she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
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I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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