I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
