You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
