It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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