i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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