My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to align my fucking chakras
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
