I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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