I feel great
I just peed on a car
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
