last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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