my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
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My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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