You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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