Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
