Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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