i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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