Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
