ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
