His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
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You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
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I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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