I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
