I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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