hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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