I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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