all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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