im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
