remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
