i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
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Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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