the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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