it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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