Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
