my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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