were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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