Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Randomize
