I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
