Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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