not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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