The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
