He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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