Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
