I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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