Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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