is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
