Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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