Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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