I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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