so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
