This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
