so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
