That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
