Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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